Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My life is pants optional.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
