I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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