Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I think my moral compass just broke
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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