Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
