why didn't you poke me back
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
