i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
