you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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