oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
