He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
