as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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