Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
