I think my vagina is haunted
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
