it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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