Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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