K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
