I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
