So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Randomize
