there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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