Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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