Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
