I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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