I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Let's paint friendship bongs
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
