I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
