Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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