wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
