tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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