I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize