did you get engaged???
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
