Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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