I could make wine with my vomit
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
