How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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