I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
These tits shall not be calmed
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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