that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
