No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
