There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
