When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
