My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
