I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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