My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
