um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
