Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
