I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and she was petting her beer can
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
