Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
