Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
