What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
