how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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