well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
