woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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