I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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