How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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