whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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