i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
