so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
