So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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