I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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