Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
