no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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