Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
