You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
We got so high we made milksteak
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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