whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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