She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
