my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
