i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
