Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
