it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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