I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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