new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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