How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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