I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize