My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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