It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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