I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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