What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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