I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
