Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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