I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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