Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
