Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
