boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dear god my vagina.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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