We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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