I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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