You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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