Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
