It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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