nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
