Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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