its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
