i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize