Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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