Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
