jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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