Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize