Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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