Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
