College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I cut my penus on the lid.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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