I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
