look no pants
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
