Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
