This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
