I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
