Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
