you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize