i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
